The night
before a conference where I was scheduled to speak, I found myself in a crowded
bar just south of Greenwich Village. The organizers had arranged a VIP
reception, and — having just moved to New York — I figured I should attend.
Indeed, I had good conversations with four interesting people whom I’ll
probably keep in touch with. But when I walked out the door an hour later, I
was thrilled with my revelation: I’m never doing that again.
It wasn’t
the fault of the conference or the bar or the attendees. It was my realization
that I’ve always hated socializing in noisy environments where you have to
scream to be heard. As an introvert, I find it overwhelming — and that means
I’m not at my best when connecting. In fact, many people find networking in
general to be stressful or distasteful. But I’ve come to realize that
networking is downright enjoyable when you match it to your strengths and
interests, rather than forcing yourself to attend what the business world
presents as archetypal “networking events.” Here’s how I’ve embraced networking
in my own way.
Create your own events. If you’re game
for any kind of networking, you don’t have to think too hard about which types
of events to attend; as long as it’s the right crowd, you can make the
connections you need. But if you prefer “minimally stimulating environments,”
as many introverts do, others’ choices — from boozy harbor cruises to swanky
after parties — may not be right for you. Instead, I’m increasingly trying to
control my networking environment by creating my own events. In the next couple
of months, I’m planning to bring together “interest groups” of colleagues whom
I think would enjoy each other for dinner parties, from female journalists to
business authors to fellow attendees of a conference I enjoy.
Understand when you’re at your best. My
circadian rhythms are fairly normal, but I’m definitely not a morning person.
Early in my career, I dutifully signed up to attend 500-person networking
breakfasts, because “that’s what you do” as a businessperson. I eventually
realized the shock of waking up at 6 a.m. to get downtown in time was making my
entire day less productive, so I swore them off. (I gave up early morning
exercise for the same reason.) For introverts, networking requires a little
more cognitive effort: it’s fun, but you have to psych yourself up to be “on.”
I don’t need to have the additional burden of doing it when I’m tired. I now
stack the deck in my favor by refusing any meetings before 8 am or after 9 pm.
Rate the likelihood of connecting.
Every networking event should be subjected to a cost-benefit analysis: if you
weren’t here, what would you be doing, instead? Running the numbers is
particularly important for introverts, because even if the alternative isn’t
something overtly productive like writing a new business proposal, the cost
side of the equation can be steep: you may be exhausting yourself emotionally
for hours or days afterward. Ask yourself who’s likely to attend, and whether
they’re your target audience (however you define that — potential clients,
interesting colleagues, etc.). Then follow up by asking how likely it is that
you’ll actually get to connect with them. Large, loud events hinder your
chances. If it’s an intimate dinner, I’ll almost always say yes; if it’s a
raucous roofdeck gathering, I’ll probably sneak out the back.
Calibrate your schedule. Athletes
understand they need time for muscle recovery, so they follow up intense
training days with time off. Introverts should do the same. As I write this,
I’m in the midst of a “writing day,” where my plan is to bang out three blog
posts; my only “meeting” today is with a repairman. Yesterday, on the other
hand, I had three in-person meetings and two conference calls. Batching my
activities allows me to focus, and alternating between social and quiet time
enables me to be at my best when I do interact with people. Even if a
networking opportunity appears interesting, I’m likely to decline if it’s on
the heels of several busy days; I’ve come to understand I won’t be able to tap
its full potential because I’ll feel emotionally run down. On the other hand,
I’m more likely to say yes to an event, even if it’s just outside my
wheelhouse, if the timing works and I know I’ll be fresh and open to engaging
with new people.
Finding the type of gatherings that work
for you will make your networking much more successful — and more
enjoyable. There’s a reason so many events take place in noisy bars: some
people love that. For those of us without that predilection, we need to start
saying no to torturing ourselves in the belief that it’ll ultimately be good
for us. Instead, we have to reclaim networking and do it our own way.
by Dorie Clark
DORIE CLARK
Dorie Clark
is a strategy consultant and speaker for clients such as Google, Yale
University, Microsoft, and the World Bank. She is an Adjunct Professor of
Business Administration at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business
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